cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
