dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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