i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
