You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
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