I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
