Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
