My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
