He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
