he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
