All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
worst night to have a conscience
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
