yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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