he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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