it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
