I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
