Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
