Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
