How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
