yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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