I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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