i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
My penis needs a shock collar
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
