i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
