what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
