Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
