we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
