I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
