All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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