you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
