I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
