I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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