he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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