i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
