it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
