R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
