Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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