Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Randomize
