I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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