Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
