I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
