actually, I'm a sock model
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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