so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
