I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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