yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
