Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
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