I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
NoShamevember. You game?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
