He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Randomize
