my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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