you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
