I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
