Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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