Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
