Moan for me like Helen Keller
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
