Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Be still, my beating vagina.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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