She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
