i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
a search helicopter?!
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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