When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
