O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He shit in the fireplace
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
