he thought i was a dude.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
