I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
that may or may not have been my penis.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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